“What You Wanted”- OneRepublic

Insecurity your name is comparison.

Seriously.

Women don’t talk about this often enough.

But we constantly compare ourselves to others.

And it can put a serious damper on your self-esteem.

I love talking about my fitspirations. But there are some days that I get online and see that they have completed yet another amazing workout before I have even processed breakfast that I just want to be like:

“Are you shitting me?”

Seriously people. Can you people not have an off day?

I have spent today alternately wanting to giggle hysterically or cry my eyes out due to the workload being piled upon us at school.

And you can eat a meal that looks like Emeril dropped by while you were doing your two hour workout? I hate you.

More so I hate that you make me feel lacking.

I consider myself a fit person. I love to workout, I prioritize it in my life. But somedays it HAS to take a back seat to my current school commitments. And somedays my body is literally so emotionally and physically drained I feel like lifting my head off the pillow is just too damn much.

And I get jealous. And self-conscious.

While I know that “one missed workout won’t make you fat”- I can’t help but see pounds magically appear in the mirror on days I miss a workout.

And the guilt I feel for eating a piece of pie.

I know that all of this is my personal fears and insecurities. I, like every woman, want to be told I am pretty. Want to know that my hard work is not without reward. But more so- I, like every woman, want to be proud of myself.

And in so I sometimes set unattainable goals.

I don’t have the time or inclination or budget right now to do nothing but eat clean, train mean, and get shredded. I don’t. I have too much going on. Too many rings in the air.

And I need to accept that and forgive myself that and love the body I have worked hard to attain now.

And I need to be proud of my friends who have made time for their workout today and not jealous and self-hating for not having the time or the energy to do it.

I need to stop comparing myself to others. And compare myself to…myself.

Like yesterday- I had my best 5k time to date. 5 minutes off from last years time.

And I am stronger than I was a year ago.

So go ahead and tell me- am I the only one who struggles with this?

-Kerith

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