My mom often states that my roommate should be up for sainthood for dealing with me. After these last few weeks, I may have to agree with her.
My entire life, game plan, etc. has gone out the window in thirty days and I have not been easy to deal with.
I love where I live. I’ve loved the past year where I’ve gotten to grow and build friendships and really develop my own home and schedule and started to build a foundation for a life.
And I hate change. It makes me a surly individual and lately I have been a boatload of surly.
My roommate has an amazing opportunity, which he 100% should and is taking. I’m in the odd position of loving where I live now, but no longer able to afford it alone and looking for someone to live with… or I would have been if on top of everything else, I still had a full-time job.
Business is business and I understand sometimes hard decisions have to be made for the overall health of the company. For my co-workers and I, the decision was that we didn’t fit. It happens. I have no ill-will towards my previous employer and I honestly wish them the success they so deserve.
But my life is on fire right now. And I’m handling it with less grace then I’d like. I’m trying to stay positive, I know a lot of people in this town, and I’m not above working any job to make ends meet. But the timing of all these things means I have to leave a home I love and step back into my parent’s house until I can figure out my next step.
At 28, with two degrees, and a lot of experience under my belt, going home feels less like taking a breather and getting my footing and more like a complete and total failure on my part.
It’s not as easy as renting a room somewhere, I have a house full of furniture and two large dogs, that are often on restricted breed lists. I have student loan payments and car payments and I am responsible for those two animals, no matter what.
And don’t remind me about finding another job.
Currently I have over 30 applications out. In this day and age, you need 10 years of experience, the recommendation of a Nobel prize winner, three Olympic Gold Medals and the sacrifice of your first born for an entry level position. You cannot receive experience without being able to work anywhere for experience- why in the hell don’t companies see that?
I know I’m not the only person in this situation. Did you know Simon Cowell went home at the age of 32, completely broke, praying hat the cab fare to the house wasn’t more than the $7 he had left in his wallet?
Rationally, going home makes the most financial sense. Reduced rent, able to figure out my next move, etc. But it also means packing up my life again and placing it in a box. Saying “someday,” instead of today.
Do not get me wrong, my parent’s are grade-A wonderful human beings. I will have freedom over my life and a lot of help. But it feels like I shouldn’t have to. I’ve worked since I was 14, and have two degrees from well-respected programs, and side-jobs. It feels like at some point, the willingness to continue grinding, should pay off.
Is that the new American dream I wonder? No longer about building a dream life and job, but surviving just enough without drowning in it?
I’m back at square one. I’ll figure it out. I’ll try to be a little more positive as I make these moves and a little less of a jerk. Coping with change has never been my strong suit, but as shit hits the fan, maybe thats one of those things I’ll need to get a handle on.
C’est la vie.